Ethno-Tourism in the Czech Republic
A parody based on facts
Ceremonies of Selection
As in the rest of Central Europe, "Ceremonies of Selection" represent the culmination of the ethno-tourism season in the Czech Republic. These come at the beginning of the school year, during that romantic period as days begin to shorten and yet the weather is still pleasant.
Caution
Sometimes the Ceremonies of Selection occur before the first day of school. Your local Tourist office should be able to tell you exactly when they will occur. |
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Visitors should make arrangements with local authorities to obtain permission to see a Ceremony of Selection, before hand, in order not to be disappointed.
Visitors should make their way to the villages indicated by the Tourism authorities and then make sure they go to the main schools on the first day of term (note box on right).
Historic context
Here they can witness the important Ceremony of Selection which is of great historic interest. It was a system perfected by the superior Nazi culture. It reflected the lucid foresight of the human resource planners of the Third Reich which, unfortunately, came to a sad end in 1945.
But since 1989 we are proud to have re-established this process as you can see.
Dainty process
You can witness school staff expertly herding the little Roma children together and then bringing them one by one in front of a professional superior Czech educational psychologist.
These professional experts talk to the children, who are normally quite nervous (and of course this is quite amusing) since it is their first day at school. The psychologists will ask very amusing questions and quite often questions even adults would not understand. The children will try and answer. But the confusion generated by the psychologist in the child's mind is quite hilarious! It is all very jolly and great fun for the ethno-tourists. Quite often the head of the school will arrange coffee for the visitors. Czech coffee is good!!
Some ethnic issues
The Roma have stupid visions of wanting their children to attend school and be "educated" like the other children of our Culture. But as we know very well, these children are very inferior, in fact they can hardly be counted upon as being human. However, silly liberals, Communists and even so-called education experts from Western Europe, say that these children are normal and can be educated. But we do not encourage such dangerous ideas. We do this by paying our professional psychologists to say that the children are stupid or can't be educated like the others. That way we prove we are right! There is a pristine and clean logic in how we do things. If an official says they cannot benefit from normal education, then no one can question, least of all the parents; it has been stated by an official.
Why the Ceremony is important
This process of professional assessment is overseen by the head of the school as well, quite often, even the local mayor of the village. This shows the great esteem and regard these important people have for our Ceremonies of Selection. These Ceremonies are important because they make sure the right number of children are classified as in need of "Special Education". In this way the village authorities can earn Euro 1,750 for each child each year. This money comes from the national government. This is a very profitable business! You see none of this money is wasted on these children. To spend such good Czech government money on the children would be irresponsible because we know the children are inferior and are incapable of learning anything.
Wonderful and unselfish leaders
What is so heart-warming about this system is how our gracious leaders (national government) help us in the rural villages to separate these Roma children, from the other children, by putting them in Special Schools. You see, unless we do this, we dont get the money from the government. So the government has given us a lovely "official excuse" for treating the children like this. Our intelligent planners took advantage of a system of government finance encouraged by the European Union. This is known as "devolved governance" or "decentralization" where more decisions are taken locally. A nuance introduced to this was that Special School funding comes under what is called "normative finance". Normative finance, once received, has a "rule" which allows us to spend the money how we want! So we segregate these children, dont educate them for over 10 years to "justify" the money and then spend the money on more important things!! So, as you can see, our leaders in governemnt, the ministry of finance, minstry of education and others have inselfishly given us all of the means to achieve what we want. That is the "legal" separation of these Roma children from ours!!
Wonderful and entertaining Theatre
This wonderful Cultural event has another very funny side to it. The educational psychologists already know how many children are needed by the Special School. The head of the school or some local authority officer tells them before the Ceremony. So the interviews are really a theatre, a delicious charade of high drama put on for the silly Roma parents, the children or any visitors. However, the ethno-tourists, who can read information like this on the Internet, know what is going on, so they can really enjoy the show! Our psychologists are very dedicated and professional and go from village to village and are paid by our great State. Since 1989 we have turned this whole system into a smoothly oiled machine, it is super-efficient industrial process. It is so stimulating, some of us, you will have to forgive us, get quite emotional when we witness how well-organized it is. You must admit that it is a wonderful living monument to the superiority of those professionals which run our national human resources and educational affairs!
Climax of the Ceremony
Then finally, the climax of the Ceremony, is when the psychologist tells the child that he or she will not stay in that normal school but go to the Special School. Everyone waits to see if the Roma child will cry in his or her disappointment. Roma children, we are assured, are a little unstable this way. Well, normally, these ill-adjusted children cry. So our professional school staff give them a sound clap of comfort on the back as they are lead away to the Special School. Sometimes the ethno-tourists applaud this whole show.
Maintaining the system
In accord with the strict terms of our race logic and superior efficiency, these children are taught nothing. This would be a waste of money. On the other hand, and this is another amusing part, the main reason for not teaching them is that some might learn something. This would reflect very badly on the system. Surely, even ethno-tourists realise that this would not be acceptable. How can we maintain such a modern, clean and financially productive educational system if we allow one or two mutant freak Roma children to mimic what teachers say and therefore appear to be intelligent. No, the master race logic and management technique is absolute, no teaching.
Mother Europe and the Commission
We are very grateful to the European Commission for not making public declarations about this system. We think this is because like us they know that ignorant people in the West do not understand it. In fact the European Commission has been most gracious and understanding. Even the Commissioner for Enlargement is alleged to have said that he does not think it is helpful to make public statements on the Special Schools. So we are left alone to get on with it. He has been SO understanding. He will be a great leader one day. With such a tolerant Commission we believe that Europe has a great future. We would not be surprised if the European Commission did not launch an Ethno-Tourism programme to help us and perhaps provide grants under the Structural Funds. I suppose any ethno-tourist could write to them and ask. It might be a good idea to organise a lobby of European Ethno-Tourism operators and organise a major "initiative". But anyone writing to the Commission is advised not to mention the word Roma since some silly NGOs and stupid activists did so and they never received any replies. Well at least the Commission has a sense of humour!! It shows a sort of human side to what people think is a corrupt and arbitrary organization, and that makes all the difference today, dont you think? |
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Produced in support of the Close the Special Schools Campaign
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